Tag Archives: emotions

Leaving

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Leaving

What will come of tomorrow?

When you’re gone and I have nothing but your scent on the breeze to hold?

What will cause my heart to leap up with elation and hope?

What small token may I take from it all?

 

The moment draws close.

Like the looming autumn rain

I look up at the inky sky and whisper your name to myself.

Wishing to be warm in the fire of your eyes.

 

When every word is about you

And every kiss I kiss tells a story.

But more so for when I don’t kiss your boyish mouth

For that is when I want to the most.

 

Across the room, your eyes trickle down me

Standing still like alabaster symmetry.

Can you hear my forest eyes whisper your name?

Deeper into the wood. Deeper into the dusk.

 

My feet dance through our asphalt jungle

Light and soundless as the hanging moon

The beating drum of your hips on mine,

Caterpillar-shivers up your spine.

 

Oh, the music between us. Our voices, our admission

The guitar in my hair, and your smooth flute lips

Gnawing cello played on my neck, with the piano,

pressing, upon your shoulders. Symphony and harmony.

 

 

Red waves drowning your sweet expression, breathing

The ecstasy into our lungs.

All sound forgotten, just touch

a hundred etchings of release.

 

The quiet that comes, breathing heavy and deep

Skin the only barrier, between heaven and hell

Limbo absolving us for a brief moment

Our warmth starting fires in the sky

 

I have drawn lines around my heart.

The cursive wrongs that fit so perfectly

In the confines of your arms

Among the scent of muffled emotions.

 

Your battle-scarred back, is some reminder

To you of days that passed in the wilds.

But to me you have earned every measure

Of the stripes you bare. Warrior of the sun.

 

Your solitude comes, unbidden. A strong

Wind to take you away from the night you love.

What bronze left in your bones, must keep you safe

Among the jackals teeth, and the desert storm.

 

The sound of your leaving is so loud

Like a siren blare in my mind, eating at the edges

Of the books that hold my adoration

Burning me like a fire.

 

I have felt quiet leaving, which dies a slow death

I have felt the leaving of dreams, which slips

Out from under your feet in a crash

I have felt suddenness, which takes your breath

 

But this.

What is this leaving?

Such a burning in my stomach

The slow decay of my sanity.

 

Why must you go, leaving behind my trail of feigned acceptance?

When everyone leaves, but I wished that someone might have

Decided to stay. The need in their eyes as great as mine

I wished too hard for wings to fly.

 

 

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Cracks

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Cracks

Oh the cracks in my soul

Filled to brimming with latent desire

How they burn and bleed like scars

Shooting stars stinging their jellyfish trails into the night

That look upon your face reflected in my mind

Open. Reaching. Already needing more skin

From the crook of your neck and the line of your ribs

***

The heat of your skin is a memory that snuck into my bed.

The strength in your back is the silence of eyelashes brushing my cheek

The press of your fingers is a symphony played on the waves of my hips.

***

Oh the cracks in my soul

Filled to brimming with wanton destruction

How they burn and bleed like brands

Hot stakes in my flesh, probing the wet reaches of emotion

That look upon my face reflected in in my hands

Open. Reaching. Wishing for more to fill the emptiness

From the gaps between your fingers and the hollow of your neck.

***

The pain of the curse of love.

The sorrow of beauty.

The joy of misery.

And the fullness of empty hands.

TIME

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TIME

Hello time

flight like a feather.

silent and deadly,

tipping silver scales.

 

Hello time

like a graceful melody

whispering sweet spring

tickling my ears.

 

Hello time

a baleful ring

a twisting spring

a dancer’s eye.

 

Hello time

slipping around minds

avoiding hearts

wishful and sly.

 

Hello time

the fabric of our lives

the ignorance of the young

the reality of experience.

 

Hello time.

 

Awake

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Awake

 

 

 

 

 

I wake in the night

Alone

Afraid

Afraid I have forgotten who I am

Afraid I have lost something.

It feels like a dream now,

that time so important

so improbable

so crippling.

 

The dream state is fuzzy,

memories run and hide

Smiles open wide.

Who was I,

just moments ago?

A short year,

so full of despair.

“Hello?”

I call

into the seared night air.

A blackened voice expected,

a frightful silence procured.

 

Perhaps it was a dream,

something conjured within a dizzy afternoon.

Perhaps it was a song,

brought to life, a stormy sky’s croon.

 

And so I lay back down,

a dream unimagined

Stuffing all my yesterdays

back into their cabinets.

Eyes wide in the dark

noses poke and bekon

Fingers rolled tight

night’s silence commissioned.

Alone

Unafraid

Still waking in the night.

Silent Growing

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Silent Growing

 

 

 

 

 

Two girls

in a darkened wood

their silken skin close

glowing,

mirrored a pale moon.

Thier eyes search.

 

They weaved

through trees familiar

summer hair awash

glowing,

their bare feet touching

the warm earth.

 

Four eyes

watch from a distance

patient and unwavering

glowing,

their fears and their loves

howling in night.

 

Blossom,

hearts within bloomed free

beautiful and fair

glowing,

wildflower symmetry

they found home.

 

One moon,

sailing a horizon

of ultramarine,

glowing,

guiding like a hope

high above.

 

They stood,

arms linked, writing

upon their open hearts

glowing,

shared thoughts and travels;

a chronicle.

 

Two songs,

becoming as one

a slow, blatant melody

glowing,

changing in its depth

a silent growing.

 

Two hands,

Two hearts,

Two bodies,

One soul

found Home.

.~~*

This poem is for my sister, on her birthday, and based off a drawing I did. Sorry I’m late, sis. I love you. Keep strong.

With Night

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With Night

 

 

 

 

 

Hello Darkness

Hello Night

Where have you been?

Off stealing light?

What secrets do your lips ensnare,

Or moments tangle in your stare?

Do you know my secret thoughts,

That play together like slipping knots?

White teeth flash, out of reach

A laughter felt like vulgar speech.

Inky tendrils encompass me,

And call me to a blackened sea.

The siren wail. I crash ashore.

You liven limbs, once broke and sore.

My eyes alight, I dance in the dark

a heartbeat striking like ember sparks.

My limbs reacting to your melody,

as you move in close saying, “come with me,”

“I’ll take you to a place called home,

“where Midnight shouts and Dusk still roams.

“You can hold the sweet moonlight

“and the gloom will bathe you with delight.

“So take my hand, we’ll fly away

“upon twilight wings, beyond the fray.

“I’ll twine my fingers in your hair,

“and we’ll wrap ourselves in the evening air.

“Warm and sheltered by a shadow’s expanse,

“woven in an eventide trance.”

And so, I took the soft starlight,

like a velvet blanket, I pulled it tight.

And dove into the endless Night,

until the dawn rose, mauve and bright.

Hello My Other Half..Whoever You Are..Vol. 3

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Hello My Other Half..Whoever You Are..Vol. 3

Dear You,

Today I am sick with the flu.

Today I wished you were here. I wanted you to cuddle me, to make me stay in bed. I wanted to just bask in midafternoon, my face tingling and you brushing my hair away from my face or reading aloud from a favorite book. I needed you to tickle me and tell me bad jokes because laughter, after all, is the best medicine. I needed you to point out my favorite characters and tell me things I never told anyone, things you know because you truly know me.

I dreamed of you the other night. I can’t remember your face; I teased you as we cooked in the kitchen, getting lost in the confines of the house. I watched The Vow the other night without you. I was doing okay, imagining that you were somewhere on the brim of my vision, until the part where he played the guitar. I turned my head abruptly to find you not there and a girl crying beside me instead. I wondered what you would have said. I wondered if you would have whispered in my ear, “I had that moment. I had that moment with you. It’s imprinted upon my very soul. I am always there in that moment with you”. Truthfully, I cried. I was doing okay until that moment. I cried because I am in that moment with you, now. If there is no time in our love, I am there with you now and forever. We’re always there. We’re always together.

I miss you lately.

But somehow it’s changed.

I’ve changed.

I don’t miss you with a hunger. I don’t miss you in my desperation for completeness. I still feel that hollow, but somehow I’m eased. I know you’re coming. I know you’re out there. And everyday I push away what people have said, do, and will say. I push them away because they don’t know. They can’t comprehend me. I just listen. I listen and grow myself. I listen to the pulse of life and love and Him. I listen because the howl in my chest cannot fill me. If I want you, I must work on me; So that I’m ready when you show up.

I must let it come. Like ocean waves, like the breeze, like the sun pushing its way over the horizon. We may yearn for the golden summer whist the cold fingers of winter grip our bones; we may yearn for its embrace but we wait in quiet anticipation.

I have come to that place of patient waiting, a face at the window watching the snow come down. Perhaps it’s just a reprieve. A short stint of relief for my heart.

I walk around and search for you, hoping to be lit up; hoping to be understood; hoping for the music to stop and time to freeze. I step outside into the moonlight and I wonder about you. What color is your hair? How would it look in that luminous ethereal light? With your eyes staring at me hungrily, bright and fiery?

Will you count the stars with me? Hold my hand, breathe deep, let go.

Will you understand my obsessions, my moments of therianthropic thoughts? My poems of the moon and desire to get lost in the fields of Tuscany? My ramblings of Paris and when the characters in my writing and art come alive?

In my mind today, you stepped into the shower with me. Our bodies slick, hands smoothing the water off my face and arms around your back. We stayed too long, steam trapped and stretching itself across the mirror. In my mind today, we curled up in a blanket with my hair still wet, where I listened to your heartbeat and it drummed me into sleep. In my mind today, you kissed me softly to wake me up. You took The Kid into the other room and played with him where I could hear, and I smiled a knowing smile to myself. We walked down the street, an azure sky sprawling above us, hugging each other’s contours, moving as one. You held my face as you kissed me, snowflakes melting on my warmed cheeks, pressing tightly against you; and I didn’t pull away. You held me for 20 minutes flat, without trying to do anything. You were just holding me, loving me, wanting me to know you were here always.

I’m still here. Praying for you. Praying you find yourself, under the blanket of monotonous distractions our age group slides through the motions within. Praying that you are happy, experiencing and learning. Praying you know how amazing and beautiful you are. Praying that you are seeking and discovering. I’m praying your heart is touched and open.

Just love, baby. Love people and life and Him. Love adventure and nuance. Love being where you are and who He has made you. Love yourself.

I love you.

I’m here.

I’m waiting.

Come home.

Love, Me.