Tag Archives: feelings

Memories

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Memories

Missing you out in this field of separation

All the things so jumbled.

Both of us boasting our indifference.

The clutter of emotion and memory.

 

Your deafening arms across my roadmap skin.

Oh, the fires you light there, and speak guttural languages to my bones

How can I survive the heat, kilns igniting my heart?

Every faith, sewn upon your hands with determined fingertips

 

When every movement is the sound of your voice

When every thought is borne of your happiness

When the caress of your skin is branded upon my body

When the taste of your tongue is a maze upon mine

 

Oh memory, oh the sweet longings of love

The hope that broke me in two, my soul a victim

How starved you must have been to feed upon my tender heart

What a hurricane I have become

 

Body of Water

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Body of Water

Missing you is an endless wave, full to breaking with ebbing and flowing.
My heart is a stone, beat-beat-beating the waves.
A hum and hush of the surf, your steady lungs breathing me in.
Lips meeting like the surf among the sand, tiny bits of glass shimmering on your tongue.
They slice my heart open, love exposed, like the tender sea foam spilling out into our midst. 

Waves of my hips, rolling toward heaven.
The arch of my back, a cave for our haven.
Your eyes like the depths of the ocean, green and stormy and searching.
I am the hawk overhead, seeking a place to lay. I am the golden watery floor, always deep in your touch.
You call to me, a brine of words most needed. I seek you out, sweet waters from the depths.

Fathom after fathom, a graph of lines. Weaving up and down with the speed of my heart. Radiation in my bones, set of flesh storms that rage upon you.
The curl of your fingers, gripping the beach.
Your overflowing, your filling, your viscous touch.
My skin layed out, a cove of safety. Your thoughts like little boats, tied to the shore.
Your sun drenched skin, the winds in your dark hair. The sound of thunder in my chest.

You are vicious, as am I, but gentle in your bones. The patient, steadiness of ripples. The crash and beauty of hurricanes. The eye spinning round and round, piercing my mind with your calm need. You are around me, I am the waters rising up. Sky and earth becoming one, water reaching for water. Rain and wave.

Oh how your shades morph, green blue white. I see the dark and the light. I see the current of your stomach, the rocky cliff of your shoulders. The gulf of your collarbone invites me to stay.
I feel the danger of the it all. I feel the panic. But I cannot help myself. I must swim in that ocean. I must bathe in your wake.
We are the storm. We are the tide. We are danger.

We are love.

Cracks

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Cracks

Oh the cracks in my soul

Filled to brimming with latent desire

How they burn and bleed like scars

Shooting stars stinging their jellyfish trails into the night

That look upon your face reflected in my mind

Open. Reaching. Already needing more skin

From the crook of your neck and the line of your ribs

***

The heat of your skin is a memory that snuck into my bed.

The strength in your back is the silence of eyelashes brushing my cheek

The press of your fingers is a symphony played on the waves of my hips.

***

Oh the cracks in my soul

Filled to brimming with wanton destruction

How they burn and bleed like brands

Hot stakes in my flesh, probing the wet reaches of emotion

That look upon my face reflected in in my hands

Open. Reaching. Wishing for more to fill the emptiness

From the gaps between your fingers and the hollow of your neck.

***

The pain of the curse of love.

The sorrow of beauty.

The joy of misery.

And the fullness of empty hands.

Not So New News

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Not So New News

News..that Breaks

THIS WEEK IN BREAKING NEWS

RACHEL’S CONFIDENCE WAS ARRESTED SOMETIME LATE IN THE NIGHT FRIDAY, AFTER A BATTLE WITH OLD DEAMONS AND A SPECIFICALLY HIDEOUS STATEMENT THAT LEAD TO A GUN-FIGHT. OTHER SUSPECTS, INCLUDING LOVE AND STUPIDITY, ARE STILL BEING HELD.

          Rachel’s lawyers say it was an old statement that sparked the dispute, creating a heinous scene of frozen limbs and insecurity. The plight started the previous night when Rachel was speaking to a friend. It was said that she suddenly was reminded of something the previously mentioned “him” had said formerly, causing her to fall silent. After many attempts to revive her from the stupor with her name, she returned but was unable to continue the conversation. She was excused from the conversation with a “Gotta go, my parakeet has bowling lessons”, and hanging up. Afterward, she sat silently in a dark room and cried. But, in hating herself immediately for another win to the insecurity gang, she hastily swiped the tears away as if to say “no I wasn’t”. She thought it amazing at this time that one person’s words could render you broken, comparing them to drops in an endless sea of awareness and speech. Though she did not want to reveal the person sending the decidedly mindless and arrogant statement, she did give us a brief synopsis.

             “[He said], ‘The reason you suffered was because you are crazy, and no one else would take you. No else wants you. You are so low.’ And on top of it, his statement was dangerously close to combusting as it sat in proximity to ‘If you would have just taken it slow I might have graced you with my presence a while longer, but I’m still going to ‘eff’ you cause I can.’  I didn’t know what to do, I was stunned”

After a brief pause, the woman continued, eyes sparkling with an unnamed strength.

                “I like to think I deserve to be happy. Crazy thought right? Some don’t seem to agree with me. Imagine that. I’m smart, funny, talented in some things. I’m fun and loyal. I have an okay smile and I can do the “smolder” like no one I know. I like animals and kids in general. I’m hard-working. I can do elementary math. So, what did I do to deserve that? Ask for more? That was my crime? Not settling for less? Okay. Fine”.

At this time, confidence got wind of the statement and hastily advanced on the subject, thinking about it all night and into the next morning, at which time he was arrested for conspiracy, distribution, and murder of pride, dignity, and trust. It is not yet clear how confidence received the ammunition in order to complete his task, but numerous anonymous tips have pointed to “him”, lord of all things arrogant. With her confidence in full custody and awaiting trial, Rachel expressed concern for her safety and health, but did not find it prudent that such feelings existed. Love and Stupidity were also arrested for questioning as to their whereabouts during confidence’s arrest and the events leading up to the crime.

“We will be fine.” Was Rachel’s only comment on the case which is quickly spreading through word of mouth.

After her statement was taken, Rachel was hastily rushed to the back of a car and driven home, where she promptly curled up into a ball. She reiterated her previous claim that she did not how it came to be that her confidence was arrested, but posted bail. There will be a hearing on the 24th in order to determine guilt, but the trial may be postponed a month in order for the authorities to gather more evidence.

+++++++++++===========+++++++++++

I’m still almost-slightly-not-exactly struggling with thoughts of the “him” I was speaking of earlier. Lucky me. Special me. Stupid me.

In case you couldn’t tell.

DNA and Science Fiction: Meet Cute

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DNA and Science Fiction: Meet Cute

So, recently my mom read an article or a book or an essay about DNA.

My family and I are constantly discussing the topics of the week, interesting things we found, politics, jokes, science, world events, and any number of various subjects of argument and intrigue. Some of them less worthy of discussion than others, I might add. But nonetheless, we love to share with each other and I wouldn’t change our quirky conversations for anything.

Getting off point..

So, DNA.

 Basically, its been shown that we are all connected to our DNA. We’re connected to every part of ourselves and everyone we touch or come into contact with on a daily basis. From our highschool sweetheart to our grandchildren to our first grade teacher. Apparently, according to this scientific study, if you took a sample of someone’s DNA..and then drove them hundreds of miles away..and then had them experience an emotion..Pleasure, pain, sadness, joy, anger, etc..then the DNA that lies in a dish somewhere miles away, also reacts in a measurable way.

This of course is an astounding idea, since the DNA was separated from the subjects and in my mind (before at least) would be considered dead or forgotten. Useless. Right? Maybe not.

Thinking on this subject further, certain things come into light.

For instance, the Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon. In the fifties, monkeys on a Japanese island were provided with food, I believe it was grains and sweet potatoes. Generally, these were deposited on the beach. A young female monkey learned to wash the food in the stream in order to clean the sand from it. Soon, contrary to popular thought, not only did the other young monkeys learn it but also the older monkeys. This apparently negates the “can’t teach an old dog new tricks” theory of animal mental processing and growth. Not long after that, not only were all of the monkeys on that island accomplishing a new task, but it jumped islands. Other monkeys on other islands learned the task overnight. How did this happen? Scientists were at a loss, some blamed it on the supernatural. But, really, what’s the difference between supernatural and scientific. The difference is understanding, and the level of it therefore. What if these monkeys learned their task not based on cranial grasping of washing food, a seemingly menial task, but instead because they were all connected; all touched each other, came into contact with each other’s DNA, or somewhere in their biological past before separation of land masses, they were related?

What does this mean for us?

Well, think about the number of surfaces you come into contact with per day..now how many people you’ve touched.. your realatives..people you’ve kissed..people you’ve slept with..people you will one day call “kids” or “grandkids”. Think about all the way back to the first person in your history, whether you’re religious and believe it’s Adam, or an almighty and overwhelming force, or a big bang. The “who am I?” has suddenly grown by population: everyone.

Is it any wonder that we feel such a desperate need to be connected to others? To be connected, essentially, to ourselves? To feel whole. Sometimes we make bad decisions to feel this wholeness and connection. Sometimes we make immeasurably good ones. It’s always a risk, but we feel we must take it. We feel the echo of the past. Possibly this is the reason we visit monuments, countries, and museums. Perhaps when we visit certain places and feel something indescribable or deep and emotional, we’re picking up on past people, lives, and feelings. Thinking of just George Washington, a founding father, and how many places he visited and the children that his children’s children produced…the effect is enormous.

There comes waves of good with finding people you can connect with and share your love and life. People who are our twins, despite no relation. Or just seem to “get us”. We touch each others lives and leave our footprints and fingerprints and shirts all over their floors.

Ever had deja vu?

What if deja vu was you, or someone who you’ve touched or is related to you, coming into contact with a place. And then you return to it. You may not know you’ve been there, but maybe a part of you has. An infinitesimal part. A part immeasurable by the human eye. Maybe an old love had touched that spot before, leaving a piece of them behind for you to sense (because they have a part of you in them). Or a friend had grabbed a quick bite at the cafe you are now sitting at. Home is home possibly because that is where most of YOU lies.You have a sudden realization. I’ve been here before. I’ve heard this song. I’ve eaten this meal. Somehow, I KNOW you even though we’ve never met. Part of you, someone somewhere somehow, touched something or someone and you suddenly experience it. You cut through the haze and find yourself. Deja vu.

And what about “The One”? Soul mates. Destiny. Fate. What if the one made for you is feeling and doing similar things to you? Experiencing things in a similar way? And all because you’re connected to them by DNA. After all, aren’t they ‘half of you’? You’re puzzle piece, perfectly interlocking. You’re match in every way. And if you are feeling and doing things that are similar, wouldn’t you be drawn to each other? Like the gravitational pull of planets, circling circling and finally smashing into one another in a bright flash of purpose. If we only could be so patient as to wait for the smashing end to the beginning.

Maybe. Maybe it’s possible. And maybe it makes it just a little more magical to meet The One.

But then comes the other half of the coin. What about all those people you were with and weren’t your soul mate?  Or just were awful, egocentric, selfish people? What did we take from them? Who did they make us in the time we were with them? Did we take on their flaws? What did they leave with us, or us with them? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Maybe we should be more careful who we surround ourselves with.

Under this theory, what is life now but an intricate puzzle of lives? Twisting tighter and more complex, twizzler style, until we’re fused. We may skirt each other on the street, but our very molecules are reaching out. They beg to touch and be touched. They track where we’ve been and maybe where we go as we are drawn to the missing tiny pieces of us.

Suddenly, life is more buoyant.

Suddenly, life is more substantial and mind-boggling.

Suddenly, life is alive.

And every piece matters.