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Just Friends

Just Friends

Strangeness abounds in this scene of chess.
The flight of birds that beat upon the heart.

The wonder of the spark
Love is born.

And yet, in flight, a one-winged thing.
Flutters just above a watery grave.

The hunger of the heart
And the love borne enflames.


The peach that whispers of sweet juices.
Filled with a stone pit, unbreakable and hard.
How I long for your arsenic center,
Knowledge against wisdom, it kills.

That twist of blue in the air
Inhaling the deep draw of unrequited
surrender. How I attempt your capture
but fingers only disturb you into oblivion.


I wish I could make you
see, you dandelion creature,
blown away. Without a trace.

I wish I could force upon you
to understand my language
of love. Left un-translated.

I wish upon a thousand stars
To know your color, to know
your scent. Describe us together.


That whine of despair inches deeper
A knife so cruel, it leaves me alone
to struggle against the smooth silver
Aiming for my heart that reaches out to you.

The scent of morning glories. Rising
like a sun. You breathe sweet love into
me, but steal away my breath with a smile
A word that does not match my own.


We love those we cannot touch.
And those that love us find no shelter.

The wonder of a heartbeat
Patterns that do not match our own.

I reach out for you seeing beauty
But your rejection stings my soul.

The hunger of a sacrificed love
Find a home where you belong.



Perhaps this is all we find here, so delicate,
this creature of disjointed happiness.
The want of someone who looks to the horizon,
and finds another standing there.

How strange this game of chess, forever guessing another’s next move.
How strange this twisting, unraveling, hurt.
How strange, the whisper of the heart,
begging for just a small word of love.
How strange.










The broken decision, that you think was made. Just a bargaining chip for a life better played.

If chance brings a cloud to settle upon, the blinking sweet light of this summoning dawn.

I will not look back to those learning tides, where the water just stood when it should have rose high.

The cost is much higher for your vacant life, than to live mine on wings lifted sudden in flight.

Though my choice may appear on a whimsy or whisper, it’s only my fear growing suddenly dimmer.

We rise as the phoenix, a wavering veil. And creep towards the sky, shedding our ashen shell.

For no one can fight the bright sun as she wakes, we can only shake gold out with feathery shakes.

Adopting her hue and keeping shoulders strong, we finally find where we really belong.

Love, Run.

Love, Run.

That soft flit-litting of the heart,
lips set upon another like the petals of some rare flower.
A pause, heart racing, freezing your limbs,
A thousand thoughts encompassed in one.
Fireworks without July, warmth without summer, quiet without snow. A thousand tiny stars studded in the inky heart of the sky, caressed by the full moon.
What salvation is there in memory? That bell still rings, hunting my soul. What grace is there in patience? If it is simply a lie of hesitation?
Countless millions lay upon that battlefield, howling for their lost heart. Weeping as the willow and crumpled amongst the hooves of the war horses.

How green the leaves that guard love, how delicate their veins. Full to brimming with succulent and glossy delights. So full of hope and joy. How easily torn and withered. How easily set ablaze, black smoke rushing to the eyes of some entity resting in heaven, speaking of its victory over truth. So many trees destroyed in the hope of love, so many petals torn.
And yet.
That sweet patter of the heart remains, ever hopeful. Ever baited with a wish that lies curled in a whisper, in the shine of an eye.
A whisper that feels and touches and tastes of tomorrows. ‘Someone to write upon my back, to sweetly terrorize my heart with deep longing. To make every breath a sonnet and every touch a letter of love, crisp and wispy like the cursive L. To beat a song into my bones, until, shaking with ardent surrender, I repeal.’
Run. Twin sets of black limbs and tails. Hearts racing. Feet gathered up, a release. Isn’t that all the heart yearns for? Someone to sing with into the night. Someone with which to run. Someone to understand its thoughts.

Losing: For Mama

Losing: For Mama

Can I tell you a secret?
One of flesh and bone?
The heart sings in the distance and leaves the skin alone.

I walk through a sea.
A sea set and made of stone.
You are still, as every one of the rocks that makes this home.

Here, that is the irony
The rocks, they bear no fruit
The spirit lives on silently, growing round with warping roots.

The silence here is deafening
The winter never leaves
Your bones are cold and rotting, a final blow that that makes me seethe.

What do I miss? Your laughter
What do I know? Your love
For everyone who didn’t see their gift from up above.

You left her here, do you not see?
A shamble of a place
For once your love did fill her, now she longs for your embrace.

Her heart cries out to hear you
Your answer? Only storms
That crash down here and break her bones, her spirit only mourns.

You left your grin, took hers away;
A fragile, vacant shell,
now only smiles thinking of the tolling of the bell.

You cannot live as just one half
To try and push is folly
And only pretend for the lonely one that you left in a hurry.

How deafening is silence
The silence of pursed lips
Tightened in final remark, simply waiting for a kiss.

I watched with baited breath
My eyes watery and wide
To see that smile bloom and find a morose surprise.

“Just kidding”, your voice would whisper.
And pull me face to face
But you only lay there, mortal hands set you in place.

It’s frightening without you
Looking out at a cruel world.
You were the light and love I knew, a flower just unfurled.

But now you’re cold as winter storms
That pound us everyday.
Your soul has moved to some beyond, they say it will be okay.

I have no control of the sun,
or I’d stop its happy path
And ask it why it feels the need, to mock all those that pass.

It’d reply in brief and mocking tones
“Girl, don’t you know a thing?
“I’ve seen a billion of you go.  I’ve seen some awful things

“If murder and if mayhem
“Is all that this world knows
“Why would I mourn the passing of someone who finally goes?

“They get a front row seat,
“Again to see Me rise
“Each loved person that moves on, knows that happy surprise”

At that I’d sit in sadness
But worry none the more
For it couldn’t be so bad to get a seat on the game-floor

To see the sun rising
At the end of everything
Must fill you with such gold delight you cannot feel a thing.

No sadness must echo there
No word spoken in regret
Only the joy of knowing someday, we’ll see those loved ones that we wept.

For all good things do not die
They only just re-spawn
On this or the next level…the show, it must go on

I cannot salve her sorrow,
Or take away that pain
It hurts me to see her slumber, when her dawn won’t be the same.

I love her dearly now
And always I will do
But I know that she will move on and I’ll come lay her down too.

Far away, though her heart is
Forever she will be
Always my sweet mother, who has taught me many things

She is the love he left behind
The guidance in the storm
The nudge upon my back when I cannot take much more.

I fear her death only now
Because I will have to whisper
The light extinguished from our lives, no more times I will kiss her.

She’s with us now, if just in body
I cannot live afraid
For she will see the shining dawn, having the heart back that he gave.

So, although we lose those close
Their spirits do root for us
To laugh and love and fight the fight, that they have handed to us.

Do not cry for the slumber
Of those that float on past
They’re only seeing that bright light, they’re finally home at last.

Little boy, grow.

Little boy, grow.
Oh, Peter Pan. You refuse to grow.
Standing planted, in the bitter snow.

Sweet words did daintily kiss my lips,
Turning madness into bliss.

What chaos left with your arrival
But just as quickly, became denial.

What day the rain brings, what thoughts of loss.
A heart that struggles in a sudden toss.

What vices, these, that play their part,
Never letting real love pierce your heart.

You stand in shadow, face wet with weeping,
Instead of returning the suns new greeting.

How sad it must be, to live this way.
Never knowing the warmth of a summer day.

My voice leaps up, I call your name
Hoping for something, but you’re just the same

A cold dark creature, seen in corner eye
As I turned my head, searching for a sky.

But you’re pretend, I see that now
Trying to be grown up somehow.

You don’t know yourself, and you don’t know me
Your friend is Inconsistency.

So easily brought down, by thought of an inkling.
Your bathtub pirate ship is sinking.

Forever adoring a smiling boy.
I was a fool Love did employ.

Fire Burns. The Rain.

Fire Burns. The Rain.

What tangled mess is this;
This game of thorn and vine?
How twisted did our love become
Wet with deep, blue brine.

The hurt is deep, like ocean waters
it burns the wounds with sting.
The particles of tears that swirl
waves shout a mournful din.

There is danger here, true heart;
Mischief in the soul.
For nothing pleases hounds of hell
Their hearts are hot-stoked coal.

Eat and drink, drink of red
Lap the sweet life water.
For only that will quench your thirst,
You, wily desert jackal.

Molten flesh drips from your body,
Although your heart is blue.
A lava tube your mouth is hiding,
speaking words of rue.

Feet press down, upon the cliff
my eyes dance over edges.
I find no slumber in the water,
my eyes, they search the heavens.

How the heart does ache and cry,
And yet, how it will mend.
One day to battle off the dogs
and heal up in the end.

For true love will the harbor bring,
a place for Wet, to dry.
Upon the shore I’ll bathe my skin
In summer suns up high.

So worry not, dear one to me
The rain runs hither and nigh.
It comes, and though a cloud it brings,
one day it passes by.

Things I Never Saw: Willy Wonka

Things I Never Saw: Willy Wonka

Do you ever watch a movie you watched as a kid and end up like, OOOOHH that’s what that was all about?

I do.

So, today I was watching Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the GOOD 1971 classic, not the new weirdo one with the squirrels. You 90’s kids know what I’m talking about) with my grandmother and my kid. Man, I love that movie. It was full of satire, people breaking into song, and lands beyond wonder.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but as a kid didn’t it seem like the part where the mom sings “Cheer up Charlie” lasted FOREVER?

I remember thinking, I don’t even know what this song is about. I’m going to fall asleep. Why is it taking so long?

But now when I watch it, the song lasted like 2 minutes. Wow. I had a short attention span.

And the meaning of the song is also new. I wouldn’t have really understood as I do now before I had a kid. She loves her son and hates to see him down and without hope. When she says that his smile is her sunshine, I totally understand. I love my boy, and when he smiles…it lights up my world. I want to give him everything and make it so that his smile never has to go away. That he would never be sad. And even if as a kid I would have paid attention long enough to know what the song was about, I wouldn’t have truly understood. And even as I sit there and really think about it, how must my mom feel when she sees me sometimes? When I’m bereft of hope and sad and dismal about my future? When I believe that I won’t find someone to love me? How much does she just want to see me smile and be joyous?

The song still sort of bores me, but on some level I actually enjoy it a bit more. Sorta.

I also never saw that Charlie’s mom was single. How did I miss that? Right in my face. She was working all the time, and in my mind..Well, I guess I just didn’t think about it. Hmmm.

Beyond that, how trippy was the tunnel with all the lights? Seemed like that scene lasted forever as well when I was young. Wonka was such a creeper in that scene. I mean, we all knew Wonka was a bit funky and a “do your own thing” dude, but that scene used to (and embarrassingly still does) make me a bit itchy behind the collar. I kept expecting him to suddenly start speaking in Latin and for his eyes roll to the back of his head or something.

EESH. But I suppose it gave him an edge, you never knew what to expect!

Now that I’m older I more thoroughly enjoy the little jokes and irony within the names of things and statements of the characters (Adding shoes to “give it a kick”…hilarious. And Wonka’s random statements, LOVE IT!). I love the “hand hangers” and the fact that Grandpa Joe was revived by the magical powers of golden tickets and hope (and a sing and dance number of course).

I also adore that ridiculous teacher of Charlie’s..”I’ve just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we’ve learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn’t matter in the slightest”..Gotta love that humor.

It’s amazing how much life can change and how much it can change your perspective. Things you thought you were sure of once, are no longer are true. Things you thought you understood have now gained new depths.

Stay tuned for more Things I Never Saw!