Tag Archives: soul

Cracks

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Cracks

Oh the cracks in my soul

Filled to brimming with latent desire

How they burn and bleed like scars

Shooting stars stinging their jellyfish trails into the night

That look upon your face reflected in my mind

Open. Reaching. Already needing more skin

From the crook of your neck and the line of your ribs

***

The heat of your skin is a memory that snuck into my bed.

The strength in your back is the silence of eyelashes brushing my cheek

The press of your fingers is a symphony played on the waves of my hips.

***

Oh the cracks in my soul

Filled to brimming with wanton destruction

How they burn and bleed like brands

Hot stakes in my flesh, probing the wet reaches of emotion

That look upon my face reflected in in my hands

Open. Reaching. Wishing for more to fill the emptiness

From the gaps between your fingers and the hollow of your neck.

***

The pain of the curse of love.

The sorrow of beauty.

The joy of misery.

And the fullness of empty hands.

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DNA and Science Fiction: Meet Cute

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DNA and Science Fiction: Meet Cute

So, recently my mom read an article or a book or an essay about DNA.

My family and I are constantly discussing the topics of the week, interesting things we found, politics, jokes, science, world events, and any number of various subjects of argument and intrigue. Some of them less worthy of discussion than others, I might add. But nonetheless, we love to share with each other and I wouldn’t change our quirky conversations for anything.

Getting off point..

So, DNA.

 Basically, its been shown that we are all connected to our DNA. We’re connected to every part of ourselves and everyone we touch or come into contact with on a daily basis. From our highschool sweetheart to our grandchildren to our first grade teacher. Apparently, according to this scientific study, if you took a sample of someone’s DNA..and then drove them hundreds of miles away..and then had them experience an emotion..Pleasure, pain, sadness, joy, anger, etc..then the DNA that lies in a dish somewhere miles away, also reacts in a measurable way.

This of course is an astounding idea, since the DNA was separated from the subjects and in my mind (before at least) would be considered dead or forgotten. Useless. Right? Maybe not.

Thinking on this subject further, certain things come into light.

For instance, the Hundredth Monkey Phenomenon. In the fifties, monkeys on a Japanese island were provided with food, I believe it was grains and sweet potatoes. Generally, these were deposited on the beach. A young female monkey learned to wash the food in the stream in order to clean the sand from it. Soon, contrary to popular thought, not only did the other young monkeys learn it but also the older monkeys. This apparently negates the “can’t teach an old dog new tricks” theory of animal mental processing and growth. Not long after that, not only were all of the monkeys on that island accomplishing a new task, but it jumped islands. Other monkeys on other islands learned the task overnight. How did this happen? Scientists were at a loss, some blamed it on the supernatural. But, really, what’s the difference between supernatural and scientific. The difference is understanding, and the level of it therefore. What if these monkeys learned their task not based on cranial grasping of washing food, a seemingly menial task, but instead because they were all connected; all touched each other, came into contact with each other’s DNA, or somewhere in their biological past before separation of land masses, they were related?

What does this mean for us?

Well, think about the number of surfaces you come into contact with per day..now how many people you’ve touched.. your realatives..people you’ve kissed..people you’ve slept with..people you will one day call “kids” or “grandkids”. Think about all the way back to the first person in your history, whether you’re religious and believe it’s Adam, or an almighty and overwhelming force, or a big bang. The “who am I?” has suddenly grown by population: everyone.

Is it any wonder that we feel such a desperate need to be connected to others? To be connected, essentially, to ourselves? To feel whole. Sometimes we make bad decisions to feel this wholeness and connection. Sometimes we make immeasurably good ones. It’s always a risk, but we feel we must take it. We feel the echo of the past. Possibly this is the reason we visit monuments, countries, and museums. Perhaps when we visit certain places and feel something indescribable or deep and emotional, we’re picking up on past people, lives, and feelings. Thinking of just George Washington, a founding father, and how many places he visited and the children that his children’s children produced…the effect is enormous.

There comes waves of good with finding people you can connect with and share your love and life. People who are our twins, despite no relation. Or just seem to “get us”. We touch each others lives and leave our footprints and fingerprints and shirts all over their floors.

Ever had deja vu?

What if deja vu was you, or someone who you’ve touched or is related to you, coming into contact with a place. And then you return to it. You may not know you’ve been there, but maybe a part of you has. An infinitesimal part. A part immeasurable by the human eye. Maybe an old love had touched that spot before, leaving a piece of them behind for you to sense (because they have a part of you in them). Or a friend had grabbed a quick bite at the cafe you are now sitting at. Home is home possibly because that is where most of YOU lies.You have a sudden realization. I’ve been here before. I’ve heard this song. I’ve eaten this meal. Somehow, I KNOW you even though we’ve never met. Part of you, someone somewhere somehow, touched something or someone and you suddenly experience it. You cut through the haze and find yourself. Deja vu.

And what about “The One”? Soul mates. Destiny. Fate. What if the one made for you is feeling and doing similar things to you? Experiencing things in a similar way? And all because you’re connected to them by DNA. After all, aren’t they ‘half of you’? You’re puzzle piece, perfectly interlocking. You’re match in every way. And if you are feeling and doing things that are similar, wouldn’t you be drawn to each other? Like the gravitational pull of planets, circling circling and finally smashing into one another in a bright flash of purpose. If we only could be so patient as to wait for the smashing end to the beginning.

Maybe. Maybe it’s possible. And maybe it makes it just a little more magical to meet The One.

But then comes the other half of the coin. What about all those people you were with and weren’t your soul mate?  Or just were awful, egocentric, selfish people? What did we take from them? Who did they make us in the time we were with them? Did we take on their flaws? What did they leave with us, or us with them? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Maybe we should be more careful who we surround ourselves with.

Under this theory, what is life now but an intricate puzzle of lives? Twisting tighter and more complex, twizzler style, until we’re fused. We may skirt each other on the street, but our very molecules are reaching out. They beg to touch and be touched. They track where we’ve been and maybe where we go as we are drawn to the missing tiny pieces of us.

Suddenly, life is more buoyant.

Suddenly, life is more substantial and mind-boggling.

Suddenly, life is alive.

And every piece matters.

Hello, my other half..whoever you are..Vol. 1

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Dear you,

Today I thought about you all day, even though I don’t know your name or your face. I don’t know what makes you passionate. I have never heard the timber of your laughter after I say something that you think is funny. I have never memorized your hands or your back. I have never shared secrets with your heart, while your soul nods because it already knew we were destined. That it already knew we were the same. I thought of you, though I don’t know you. Though we have never met.

 Today,  I silently imagined your fingers filling the spaces in mine, staring at my hand. The spaces that cause tears to spill out like holes in my red-sailed boat. Today, I ran those fingers through your hair, closing my eyes as you held me. Today, I half-laughed ’til I cried as I thought of you playing with The Kid in the grass of a smokey mid-morning outside my house. I dreamed of you holding his hands and the smiles that you two would share. Today, I sat in the green armchair just to feel as though you were here holding me, the arms of the couch will have to suffice.  Today, I prayed for you. I prayed that you would grow and hurry up in finding me. That I would have the patience to wait, and that you would make me fall in love with you. Tonight  you will be with me in my mind’s eye. We will talk a movie into submission, making jokes at its expense. We will sit, smiling and charming each other with jokes and stories. Today, I thought of saying something and having you there, barely containing your desire to discover every little intricacy about me. Excited to know all of me. Today, you rekindled my hope and gave me yourself freely. Today, we bantered in my mind, bouncing wit off each other and making me beam. Today, I moped and I knew you wouldn’t approve, but I feel empty without you.

So, please take the next train to my small town. Say that you need a vacation. Say you needed a break for a couple of days. Say you just had to stop in on your way to some far off destination, traveling down our lonely highway. Then walk in..to the store, or the bookstore, or a restaurant. Find me, so that I can fall in love with your eyes and you can listen to me. So that you can help with all the talks I’ll have to have with The Kid. I don’t know how to explain life to him, I don’t know how to tell him why. Why his dad doesn’t live with him or isn’t around, in a way that he’ll understand. I don’t know how to tell him why I’m sad sometimes or why I’m not married,  like other kid’s parents or other adults. Or answer the questions he’ll have that hide an empty spot inside him. I need you to teach him how to pee standing up, and have “the talk” with him.

We can talk all night, about nothing or everything, and you can chase away years of my tears until they come back as laughter. You can tell me you love me and I will cry and know that the prayers I was scared to pray where I could hear myself, were answered. That my mother was right. That He knew, and now smiles at me as if I’m a child who thought Saturday would never come. “Silly girl” He’ll say, “he was always coming for you. I made you. Who couldn’t love you?” And I’ll grin and know He’s right.

I promise not to let you go. I promise to look at no one else the way I look at you. I promise to listen. I promise to be there when you wake up. I promise to grow and create a newer me everyday, one you’d be proud to know. I promise to make you laugh, with my bad dancing, ability to care plants to death, my love of silly songs and obsession with autumn and stripes. I promise to always cuddle with you and kiss you. I promise to never get tired or annoyed of your rantings or your love of me. I promise to believe when you say you love me. I promise to love your favorite shirt, even if it’s not my favorite. I promise to trust you and respect you. I promise…

So…

Please hurry. Please come. I love you. I’m waiting.