Preparing everyday for you to go
Hopes taking shape of a lie
While I fall deeper into your ocean
With the passing of suns
Summer drew up like water into a sponge
Fall settling like dust again. While the
Whisper of your name withered upon
My crimson lips, my teeth biting down on its form
In my mind, you must see me, miss me
In my mind, I was a golden treasure you hoarded
I was a blaze you need to warm your bones
Let the forest burn, your decision worthy
But instead, I felt forgotten. Like the fog
Lost and thick among the branches of ghosts
Eerie and quiet and strange with music
Messages too old for you to understand
And yet, I sent my dreams to you, oh fox
Wanderer of histories, rogue of tomorrow
The dreams I kept in a box in my cage heart
The skin of my soul
I gave to you my red cloak, a desert wide
A sail boat washed ashore long ago
The fierce deafening wind, and my strange eyes
I gave to you my golden wolf eyes,
My clever mouth and sharp ears
The stillness of the forest, the bugle of the hunt
I gave to you my long dark hair, waves upon my back
My white dress among the mazes of trunks,
Just out of your reach, out of sight. A house in the wood
But I woke to find my bed cold and large
When suddenly you were a stranger that held all
My secrets. And having given you my dreams
I sat empty and alone, wishing for tomorrow.
What more is there for my arms now, but time
Once filled with your smile and broad back
Now just the ticking of a clock too loud
Every moment turned from waiting for you, to hiding.
I’m supposed to ignore the ache of agony in my chest
I’m supposed to let go, since I knew it would come
Since I am a girl practiced at being grown up. No longer
Peter Pan, just wishing for the hook to slip between ribs.
And so the day goes on, it does not miss you as I
It knows nothing of the emptiness
What shall I fill with it? The quiet seconds of pretend?
What will fit in that space of sorrow for lost things?
You were never mine, so what rite do I have?
But losing you broke my heart, while I held
My breath, because the dead do not cry.
And I was just a hollow shell, full of the brine.
The absence of you became the pull before
The tidal wave, that crashed down on my heart.
But the pain was dull, for I had known that you
Were nothing but a distraction for my wandering eye.
I’ll get over you, perhaps tomorrow. But until then
I am stuck here in this longing. A longing so deep
For something I don’t understand. Why the wind
Keeps blowing people away but not me
What of tomorrow? What of today?
When my emotions are things I wished away?
And the terrible truth of my existence
Was something I created with persistence?